Reminiscing

The Supermarket is gone. Over. Finito. But here's a little video to reminisce on my time served there:

Goddam Annoying Early Risers

Waking up foggy, a little dazed and more than occasionally grumpy is the norm for me. It can take up to a couple of hours for me to 'come round'. I was renouned for it at university and I assumed it was the liefstyle that was causing it. However my morning grumpyness has persisted almost seven months since I graduated. I've done a little research into why I wake up grumpy and how I can resolve this. Of course all the answers are somewhat contradictory. As you can imagine I've already woken up in a less than pleasant mood so this has not rectified it!!

This helpful website is telling me I have sleep debt and I need to repay it with 1 - 2 extra hours of sleep a night. I'm sorry, during a recesion you are telling me I owe my sleep aswell?!

Next website please! Steve Pavlina offers a personal development plan. Looks pretty promising. He does make the mistake of rambling on about converting to veganism as it appeared to improve his sleep. I tried being a veggie Steve, twice. I like my steak too much. BLOODY.

The Daily Mail (obviously I'd become desperate) offers an article on women being worse in the morning than men. according to the study it may be because women have more things to do when they first get up than men. Stress and worry was a big contender for people waking up in a grump, and not wanting to leave a warm bed was another.

I've decided the answer is to sleep for an extra hour, become a vegan and not have the heating on in the morning. Isn't the internet full of rubbish! *Tin Foil Hat Wearers* eat your heart out.

Here's a site with 40 sleep facts, far more interesting than all the other twaddle I've read this morning.

Word of the Day:  Insomnia

Quote of the Day: 'A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow' Charlotte Brontë

Remember Salem....?

A woman in Saudi Arabia was beheaded this month for being accused of practicing witch craft. Amina bint Abdulhalim Nassar was the 73rd person to be executed this year in the country. It's shocking that in this day and age someone can lose their life for holding a view that contradicts what the majority deems normal. If it is not causing harm to others how is it justifiably punished with death? 

Witchcraft within the UK has seen a rise in following in recent years. What's more come Halloween the Saudi government would behead a fair few people over here. 


Also I must confess that I have 6 toes and pray to the full moon every month which is why I took great offense to this horrendous crime. Enough of my blogging, I shall now gather my Harry Potter books and find a worthy curse to place upon David Cameron...

Effin offensive

A village in Ireland has been wiped off facebook as it has been deemed offensive. The little village of Effin at the time of the article's publication could not be referenced as a hometown. The people from the Town were Effin annoyed to say the least!!


I think I might email Facebook and request that they remove Rochdale from the site...we're all Effin offensive us Rochdalians!! 

A Church even I'd consider going to...

...If I lived in New Zealand. These two posters are what the Church has used as an ad campagain. It is the Church's take on becoming more liberal and therefore increasing the number of people going to church.

 Of course it's caused a massive stir, but that was obviously the intention. The two articles on the posters can be found here and here. My only wish is that they had depicted Mary and Joseph as a black couple, just to really ruffle all the conservative christian's feathers. And the Church's official website is here. 

Adios Supermarket

On Friday I terminated my career with the Supermarket. It had been on my mind for a considerable amount of time and I finally grew some balls and left. In simple terms I no longer cared for queue length times, overcooked chickens, no shallow trolleys being at the entrance and if I heard 'all amber reliefs' one more time I may have actually imploded. 


As my slightly angry boyfriend has explained, it was not the best of moves. Leaving a job for another is the usual route people take. However I am young, have no real commitments as of yet and know where I want to go in life. The supermarket was not getting me there. All that said, I have not left in a angry rage. I takeaway some lifelong friends which is what ultimately kept me there as long as I was. 

Reading through my blog in retrospect it is not as surprising that I left. Just look at Four Year Anniversary, Stupid Supermarkets, and My Other Job!! Looking back I committed several crimes typical of a employee of the Supermarket -:

• Took an extra 5 minutes on my break
• Turned up to work hungover/still drunk
• Had the urge to punch a customer (I wouldn't speak to David Cameron the way some people have spoken to me)
• Dumping aka not putting something back in the right place
• Told a customer something is out of stock when really I had no clue either way
• Told a customer I didn't know where something was because I just wanted to get home (why stop me when I'm wearing my coat indicating I've clearly finished)
• Clock watched (every shift)

So now with my considerably reduced working time I intend to do some voluntary work whilst I join many others who are looking for a job! But at least I can now wake up with a smile on my face and due to it being the festive season I'm sure I'll be doing some of this-:

So I say goodbye to a certain extent to friends, co-workers and managers (who by the way unlimited smoking breaks and rumbling aka gossip time were the two perks to your job that made me consider staying. That said, why did you never rumble trolleys?? I joke, obviously.) 

Enough of my ramblings, I plan to take my blog back to it's satirical self. 

Farewell Tesco!!!

Word of the Day: Futurism 

Quote of the Day: 'When people go to work, they shouldn't have to leave their hearts at home' Betty Bender 

Reply not Reply All!!

Like many others out there I am looking for a job. I am fortunate enough to have not one but technically 3 jobs. However one only only takes place during school holidays, one is a shift in a pub and the other I LOATHE. So like millions of others I am constantly emailing prospective employers with my CV in hopes that they will consider me. Imagine if this was the response you got:


'I think I speak for all 4000 people you have emailed when I say, "Thanks for your CV" – it's nice to know you are taking this seriously. Please f*** off ... you are too stupid to get a job, even in banking.Yours hitting the delete button Have a nice day!'

Gary Chaplin sent this to the 4000 people attached to an email from the recruitment boss instead of just a reply him. Ouch! Ironically Mr Chaplin has found himself out of work and now will be keeping his fingers crossed that this is not the reply he gets from prospective employers. What a nob!

Word of the Day: Imbecile

Quote of the Day: 'The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing' John Powell  

Rich Pussy

A rich old Italian lady has passed away and left her entire fortune to a stray cat she took in! The nurse who cared for in her last days has been given the responsibility of taking care of the little fur ball. She has plenty of $$$ to buy him the latest designer collars (I hear it's all about Dolce and Gabbana's Rustic leather for cats for the winter season), the best cat food (surely it has to be Harrod's Lobster and Cavier cat food, personally cooked by Gordon Ramsey?!) and the a beautiful cat bed (I'd recommend a one off designed by Laurence Lewin Bowen, who has recently crafted a state of the art cat basket for Jennifer Aniston). 

Bloody lucky cat! I'm not going to ramble on about how he may not be as rich when the euro falls or whether she could have bestowed her money to a more deserving cause (who are we to honestly say anyone is more deserving, I have money to spare and don't give it to those who need it more than me. I did buy some nice trainers last month though). I am JEALOUS though. I bought a lottery ticket last week for the first time in ages and got nothing for it. That damn cat is more lucky than me of late. Kudos to him!

Four Year Anniversary

On Saturday I'll be celebrating my four year anniversary. What anniversary is this? I will have spent four years of my life employed by the supermarket! That's one year longer than I have spent at university, one year less than I spent at High school, one year longer than my longest relationship, one sixth of my life and most importantly four years too many!


I am grateful that I am fortunate enough to have a job in these hard times. However I am a firm believer that you should work for enjoyment as well as financial gain. Obviously we have ends to meet, but I do not gain fulfillment from listening to people request a refund for a chicken they purchased and cooked which they found 'too tough'. (I had to give the refund but my insides were screaming 'it was too tough because you overcooked it you thick posh ****').


I have learned some things from the job however. Always read the small print on labels (because we love to mislead you), old people are either really nice and give you sweets or bitter old slugs who need a kick, the customer is not always right, ox tongue is really ox tongue, old people still have sex, chav's have a football team worth of kids that they feed half of their shopping to before they pay for it and most importantly I have learned I do not want to be here forever!!!


I must note that I have made some lifelong friends at the supermarket and they make my time there bearable. However if I am still there in a years time and facing my five year anniversary I shall dye my hair pink and change my name to Wendy. 


Word of the Day: Insignificant


Quote of the Day: 'Oh you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.' Drew Carey 

The End...might not be nigh!

2012, the end of the world. December 21st to be more precise. Well according to an interpretation of the Mayan calender. But all you supersicious folk and Tin Foil Hat wearers can let out a sigh of relief. A German archeologist has revealed an alternative interpretation. Sven Gronemeyer explains that the Mayan calender foretells that Britney Spears will become ruler of all the world. 

According to the new interpretation of the Mayan calender Britney will begin her mission for Universal domination by eating David Cameron's brain. Following this Britney will rapidly take over each country with the aid of her hefty bank account and sexual prowess. So we have been warned!!

Obviously I'm taking the piss, but here's the real article on Sven Gronemeyer's findings if anyone is genuinely worried about 21/12/12.

Word of the Day: Prophecy

Quote of the Day: 'After there is great trouble among man kind, a greater one is prepared. The great mover of the universe will renew time, rain blood, thrist, famine, steel weapons and disease. In the heavens, a fire is seen.' Nostradamus  

Random thought of the Day: Can anybody come up with a prophecy or do you have to be part of some secret society?? I predicted that Amelia Lily would win the X factor way back when she first auditioned. If that comes to be I believe I am officially psychic...

AWOL

It has been quiet a while since I last blogged. After much deliberation I've decided to give it another go. During my time away from the blogging world I also abstained from using facebook, became an uncle and settled down. Like many addicts though I have fallen off the wagon and now have once again become an avid facebook user. I even have Twitter now! 


It is nice to see that my last blog was about a woman chopping off a penis. I suppose it would have been a nice swan song for my brief time as a blogger, but with the economy being such a farce I have yet to find myself a 'grown up' job. Therefore I may aswell accept my fate, I am a post graduate who has the grand responsibility of pushing trolleys (when my back gets better - I've done that in during my time away). BUT at least I have a job so can't complain too much.....Tory T****  


P.s Follow me on Twitter  http://twitter.com/#!/kyleian

Word of the Day: Reincarnation 


Quote of the Day: 'No attempt at ethical or social seduction can eradicate from my heart a deep burning hatred for the Tory Party. So far as I am concerned they are lower than vermin' Bevan 


Random Thought of the Day: When is acceptable to fart in front of a new partner? It took three months for me to pluck the courage up to let one rip. True story. 

Off with his penis!

A woman has cut off her estranged husband's doodah. By all accounts their marriage was pretty much over, but they were enjoying a nice meal together after a row over friends coming to stay. The kinky wife decided to slip some drugs into her husband's tea leading to him getting knocked out. When he awoke he was tied to the bed and she proceeded to chop his penis off!


He is currently in hospital after undergoing surgery and said yo be in a 'good condition'. Really? I seriously doubt that! He had filed for divorce in May citing irreconcilable differences. Well whatever was irreconcilable before has certainly been trumped by his loving wife's latest escapades!

Red paper clip

Yesterday whilst making tea I heard about Red Paper Clip on radio one. Basically a guy (who just so happens to be named Kyle) started off with a red paper clip and traded it in until he eventually wound up with a house in Phoenix, rent free!


Obviously this beats the whole kidney for an i-pad concept. I haven't fully read the guys blog about his experience but it appears he didn't stop with the house. I think it was more about the actual experience than trying to gain anything. I think someone should give this a go! He had to travel around by the looks of things and I can't drive so I'd be somewhat limited if I was to try it. If I was to attempt this however, I'd start with the cat. There, I said it. The family cat is a bitch. Anyone fancy trading in their house for a cat? Did I say she was a bitch? I meant to say she is adorable.


Word of the Day: Adventure


Quote of the Day: 'Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds!' Bob Marley 


Funny Story: My pregnant sister seems to be unaware of how a dressing gown works. As I made my way up the stairs I was greeted with her strolling (waddling) out of the bathroom with it wide open. Thank you for that image Jim. She'll probably make me delete this, shame I can't delete the image from my mind!!

Dirty Kebab

I made the biggest school boy error the other night. Chilling out having a few drinks in a garden lead to the sun going down and a few more drinks getting consumed, turning into a late trip to a pub leading to more drinks and some rather uncool dance moves being busted in a bar along with some more drinks being supped. All of this is acceptable, but this all lead to the purchasing of a greasy kebab. It was lovely at the time (I think). I ate it all. I knew I'd regret it the next day, but was not prepared for how much.

When I finally arose the morning (lies), I was intrigued to find I had 2 missed calls and a text message. The intrigue soon turned to devastation as the 2 calls were from my friend who also purchased a kebab. The text message (also off my friend) informed me that their kebab was not cooked properly so I had best check mine. Doh! I don't think I have food poisoning but I have another day before it could potentially kick in.

Why do we eat such crap when drunk? Apparently one group of scientists believe it affects the Hypothalamus (a part of the brain) and tricks you into feeling more hungry than you actually are. Whatever the reason, I'm going to avoid food as much as possible but if worse comes to the worse I'll play it safe and get a margarita pizza instead! 

Word of the Day: Oblivious 

Quote of the Day: 'Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.' Seneca 

Random Thought of the Day: Would you rather have diarrhea or constipation? 

Guilty Confession of the Day: I'd rather have diarrhea.  

Career Change

A successful banking consultant has embarked on a rather unusual career change. He is now a trained witch doctor. So what thoughts has this provoked in your mind? Do you find him odd? Does this seem like a bizarre decision, to leave a comfortable life for something completely different that I assume doesn't offer grand financial rewards?


I don't. I think it's great, but I'm not normal. We have one life, grab every opportunity that comes your way. Never settle, always be ready for change. Success and achievement is what you deem it to be, whether that be a flash car, house in the suburbs and 2.4 children or moving to Cape Town and living as a witch doctor. So whilst many of you would probably ask Thomas Heathfield if he is mad, I'd congratulate him on not being another Joe Bloggs. 


Although I hope his career as a witch doctor does not involve human sacrifices, such as this stomach churning case. 

Reason no. 253 not to get married....In Laws

I've come across this article twice today. If it is actually not a fake then I think it's brilliant that the whole thing has gone public. It is apparently a genuine email a woman has sent to her future daughter in-law. Clearly an upper/middle class twit who assumes they are above everyone else. Also I'm sure I read she is 60' so I'm going to class her as an old person and therefore she is  obviously a Vicktor Mildrew. Such a shame. 


The nob in question has criticised the poor girl for all sorts of mundane twaddle. However she's clearly not the brightest of old farts as she has done this by email. All it took was for the poor girl to forward it to a few close friends, which has lead to it being plastered all over the internet. Justice? I think so. 


Word of the Day: Unorthodox


Quote of the Day: 'Your regrets aren't what you did, but what you didn't do. So I take every opportunity' Cameron Diaz

Mr Lover Lover

A man has claimed to have had sex with over 1000 women. That's a pretty steep number and for those of you who take pride in 'magic numbers' I bet it put yours to shame! Oh wait, did I say women? I meant cars!
That's right people, the Lothario boasts to have made love to over 1000 cars and has even had a 5 year relationship with Victoria, VW Beetle. He is currently in a relationship with Vanilla, another VW Beetle. I guess they must be his 'type'! However it appears they have an 'open' relationship as he also spends intimate time with Cinnamon, a Opal GT and Ginger, a Ford Ranger Splash. 

Is he trying to emulate the hedonistic lifestyles of good old Hugh and Charlie. I've said it before and I'll say it again, this world is making people crazy. At least I admit it sends me doolalee!! 

I should also mention the the car lover's most 'intense' sexual experience was with the helicopter from Air Wolf. Erm, get in there son.....?!

Special Needs and Education

I've not blogged for a while, I read this article today, the Prime Ministers attempt to improve the way individuals with special needs receive and education. Read it. 


I think before anyone takes sides there are a few things you should place into consideration. Do you or someone within your family have a disability? I think the answer to that should affect how strongly you feel about this subject. Nobody within my family (that I am aware of) has a disability, I however have had the opportunity to work with young people who have disabilities. My personal opinion is that it all comes down to the individual. I think that what will serve them best both within that moment and the long run should be what is the deciding factor in what type of education they receive. However I feel like I have not got enough experience within this area to have a fully educated answer. Hopefully whatever happens will improve the opportunities for young people with disabilities with regards to their education. I guess it will be interesting to see how this one pans out. 

What would your animal be?

Have you ever read His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman? If you haven't I highly recommend them! Although if you are not much of a reader (Why are you here?) then you can always settle for the film 'The Golden Compass'. It's mediocre in comparison to the books however. 

Why am I babbling about Philip Pullman's work? His book features the concept of people having 'daemons' which is a manifestation of their soul and are represented as animals. As children people's animals continually change forms, being a tabby cat one moment to a ostrich the next. This is all dependent on their mood. As people mature so do their daemons, and they eventually settle on a specific form. Which led to the discussion of what would our own daemons be and what daemons would our friends have. My friend was convinced theirs would be the same as my pet dog Charlie. I agreed, mostly due to their scents being incredibly similar. My daemon would probably be a Chimp. The following video is how I imagine my daemon would behave.

It was also concluded that chickens would represent female chavs. Why? There are far too many chavs out there constantly dropping kids. There are far too many chickens constantly laying eggs. See the connection?! Male chavs would have rats as their daemons.

Word of the Day: Transition


Quote of the Day: 'Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, progress and success have no meaning.' Benjamin Franklin 

Toss the salad

Whilst preparing for the BBQ I pulled out the salad bowl and utensils used to 'toss the salad'. This got me thinking, I'm sure there is another meaning to this phrase, but what the hell is it?

 Half out of curiosity and half out of an attempt to embarrass my mother I decided to ask her if she knew what it meant. She revealed she had her suspicions but suggested I used urban dictionary to find out for myself. I was more impressed that she knew what urban dictionary was than she apparently knew what 'toss the salad' meant. Five minutes later my mother informed me that she herself had looked it up on urban dictionary and it was not what she had expected. She refused to tell me what it was but hinted that it would be something I'd be aware of. Two hours later I've finally gotten the chance to investigate this phrase. I feel the embarrassment lies in my court, I wish I'd never asked my mother now! Furthermore when my father eventually reads this I'm sure he too will ask my mother what it means, as my mother and I asked him about tossing the salad and he assumed we wanted him to prepare the food. Dad don't ask, stay in your innocent bubble where it's safe!


Word of the Day: Miscalculation 


Quote of the Day: 'They used to bow down to gods, things change' Buffy


Guilty Confession of the Day: I've resorted to watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer repeats whilst I have nothing better to do with my time. I feel as though I am 13 again and it is the school holidays. I'd never have thought I'd still be doing the same thing 10 years later. Also I know I said I'd never express my religious views, but the above quote was too good to overlook. Hello my name is Kyle and I am a geek. I have been lacking the cool factor for 23 years now. 

Blogs

I'm not sure if anyone actually does this when reading my blog (if anybody does) but you can click on 'next blog' at the top of this page and it brings you to another random blog. I occasionally do this, initially to see what other people blog about. The two main things I continually come across are artists showing their latest pieces of work and family blogs where 'The Robinsons' tell us what they go up to this weekend. I do like to have a bit of a gander at some of the art but don't really read much of the family stuff. The family ones are mostly American, I guess it must be a big thing over there. I also come across a lot of foreign blogs, I occasionally translate them but they are generally art, photography, music or film based.


As time progressed I started doing this in hope I would find something that was similar to my own blog. I can't say that I have, but I have come across the odd funny blog that I chose to 'follow'. I also have to admit I've started following a woman who puts up here latest take on recipes. Mainly because her last blog was about Enchilda Lasagne. You are right up my street pet! Well I'll have to exclude the sweetcorn from the recipe as those of you who know me must be aware that I'm allergic!! The three Deadly S's (Sweetcorn, Suncream and Salmon). 


I came across one by a girl who lives in London, her last post was in January and she was having a rant about London Bus Drivers. I found it quiet amusing but two things stopped me from following. Firstly it appears she has given up on her blog. More importantly she sounded like a complete chav and her grammar and writing was atrocious. Not that mine is great or that I am a snob but I could only cope with reading so much of-: 'So I got on da bus n asked if he cud let me on for free. The prik lookd at me lyk I waz a piece of shit n sed no. I waz so mad n I ad 2 get to the doctors coz it waz important'. Sure thing love, those crabs won't get rid of themselves. (What I found really aggravating about it was the fact that blogger has it's own spell check. Whilst it is American, it's still better than having to read chav talk!)


Part of my searching for other blogs similar to mine is due to my complex I have about being weird. The whole blog is themed on my quest for normality so I guess it is understandable. Although it does make me somewhat happy that so far none of the other blogs offer personal twists on weird news and provide philosophical ramblings on many aspects of life. So I should be proud to be an individual I guess. I was hoping that eventually I would write a blog called 'The End' in which I had finally succeeded in  becoming a normal person. I therefore would no longer need to post random babblings on the internet. Alas I feel that I will never be normal and furthermore have grown rather attached to this blog so don't particularly want to!


Word of the Day: Kindred


Quote of the Day: 'I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.' Kurt Cobain

Lefties

A Psychologist is claiming lefties are less likely to be gifted. The article is in the mirror, which I don't really like to read but at least it isn't the Daily Mail! It also points out that both Barack Obama and David Cameron are left handed. Read it, not for the utter rubbish the Psychologist claims but for the last two lines, they garnered a smile from me! 


As a left handed person I'm obviously insulted! I'll list a few other left handed people who are arguably gifted. Shut up stupid Psychologist. (What makes it worse is he is left handed too. What a nob)

PRESIDENTS

Herbert Hoover  (1874-1964) 31st 

Ronald Reagan  (1911 -    ) 40th

George H.W. Bush  (1924-    ) 41st

Bill Clinton  (1946-    ) 

42ndBarack Obama  (1961-    ) 44th     

Miscellaneous Left-Handers

Alexander the Great

Charlemagne, Holy Roman emperor 

Julius Caesar, Roman general

Josephine de Beauharnais

King Louis XVI of France

Queen Victoria of England

King George II of England

King George VI of England

Prince Charles of England

Prince William of England

Fidel Castro, Cuban leader

Henry Ford, automobile manufacturer

David Rockefeller, banker

Helen Keller, advocate for the blind 

Edwin Buzz Aldrin, astronaut

Wally Schirra, astronaut

Dr. Mark Silver, surgeon

Jay Leno, host

 Uri Geller, psychokinetic performer

 Matt Groening, cartoonist

 Bart Simpson, cartoon character

Left-Handed Authors

Lewis Carroll 

H.G. Wells

Left-Handed Musicians

David Byrne (Talking Heads) Kurt Cobain (Nirvana)

Phil Collins (Genesis) 

Glenn Frey (the Eagles)

Eric Gale, guitarist

Noel Gallagher (Oasis)

Crysal Gayle

Kevin Griffin, guitarist & lead singer (Better than Ezra)

Thomas Hedley, vocalist/musician 

Jimi Hendrix

Isaac Hayes

Judy Garland

Tony Iommi, guitarist (Black Sabbath)

Paul McCartney (the Beatles; Wings)

George Michael (Wham!)

Robert Plant (Led Zepplin)

John Lydon a.k.a. Johnny Rotten (Sex Pistols / Public Image Ltd.) 

Seal 

Paul Simon (Simon & Garfunkel)

Left-Handed Artists

 Michelangelo 

Raphael

Leonardo da Vinci (RH paralyzed?) 

Left-Handed Actors

Matthew Broderick

Charlie Chaplin 

Tom Cruise

Quinn Cummings

Matt Dillon

Robert DeNiro

Richard Dreyfuss

Peter Fonda

Whoopie Goldberg

Goldie Hawn

Jim Henson, puppetteer

Kermit the Frog

Angelina Jolie

Diane Keaton Nicole Kidman

Lisa Kudrow 

Michael Landon

Cleavon Little

Shirley MacLaine

Steve McQueen

Marilyn Monroe

Robert Morse

Ryan O'Neal

Sarah Jessica Parker

Anthony Perkins

Luke Perry

Robert Redford

Keanu Reeves

Julia Roberts

Mickey Rourke

Jerry Seinfeld, comedian

Christian Slater

Emma Thompson Dick Van Dyke

Bruce Willis

Oprah Winfrey

*For a full list of famous lefties click HERE.

Pigs on the run!

This article made my day. 8 pigs toppled over the trailer that they were in that was transporting them to the slaughter house and escaped!! Sadly only two are still on the run. Fingers crossed that Pinky and Perky live a long and prosperous life in the wild!!!

Human Cows...

I found this article today. Scientists in Argentina have genetically engineered a cow to produce milk that will closely resemble human milk by adding two human genes to her genetic make up. They named her Rosita. So the big debate with genetic engineering is sure to be brought up yet again. I personally think it's a good thing what they have done. I'm about to throw out some feminist psychological waffle, but here goes. There is immense pressure both by the NHS and society as a whole for new mothers to breast feed. My friends have recalled personal experiences were nurses and midwives have been less than understanding when they struggle to get their newborn baby to breast feed. Obviously if people are finding it easy then they are best off doing this. But whatever the mother eats and drinks will have an impact upon their child. So that Lamb Rogan Josh from the night before is probably going to give the new nipper one hell of a tummy ache! Also for the mothers who struggle to get their baby to breast feed face the potential stress of feeling inadequate as a mother which can ultimately lead to issues such as the baby blues and even PND. There is also so argument that breast feeding improves the bond between mother and child. To be honest, I wasn't breast fed and I have a perfectly sound relationship with my mother now. Although maybe that is why I am less than normal?


So here is an easier option for those who wish to have that curry on a Friday night! The big question is what next? I'm a bit of a geek and watched all sorts of Sci-Fi programmes when I was younger so my imagination is running wild! Half human half Lion people? Liomans!! Making 'Superhumans' by giving them all the good qualities of other species such as vision, agility, speed, strength, reflexes etc? Well I'm sure a lot of people will be against that but I personally think that sounds AMAZING! 

Tattoos

Tattoos are something that always intrigue me. When people get it right they look really cool in my eyes but when they get it wrong... Here's someone who probably will regret this in a few years time. The nob in question has had the profile picture of each of her Facebook friends tattooed all over her arm. She had 152 friends. Well not that it's a popularity conquest but I currently have 600 friends. I think I'd have to give up more than one arm to copy her. Like a dog, a tattoo is for life...not just Christmas. When people do stuff like this I think they should just have Dick Head tattooed across their forehead. But that's just my opinion, perhaps when she's 60 she won't regret it.


Plus I know for a fact that whilst I have met all of my 600 friends I don't know them all that well and probably won't see some of them ever again! (although I'm due another friend cull, I was upto nearly 750 and got down to 550 earlier this year...I'm everybodies mate when I'm pissed I swear!) So she must have people on her arm who are just 'randoms'. What a nob!!


Word of the Day: Proficiency 


Quote of the Day: 'The Imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates.' Oscar Wilde 

The perfect gift?

In just over 2 months time my sister is due to have a baby. My parent's first grandchild and my first niece! I'm very excited. One predicament I have is what to buy. Obviously I'll open my wallet and purchase clothes and other various things. My big issue with this is none of them are sentimental. I want a gift that means something and in theory will last forever. One idea was to buy a bottle of whiskey that she could have when she is 18. I decided that this was a bad idea. The two reasons for this are a) maybe she won't be a drinker b) me and her mother will probably guzzle it down before she turns 18.

Today I had a genius idea. Well I think it is. I got paid today (drinks are not on me this weekend) so was looking at children's books on Amazon. Mostly to buy for my niece but I have a habit of collecting children's books. Well books in general but I still enjoy Roald Dahl every once in a while. That is when it hit me. I can make her a children's book! I'm bored, I enjoy writing and it means I can create a gift that in theory will be sentimental. I've got a 2 month deadline so it'll be reminiscent of being at uni! I've hit a bit of a drought with work at the moment so I actually miss writing essays.

I don't want to divulge too much information as I want the details to be a surprise. Plus it could be a masterpiece that will change the future of children's books and I don't want someone to steal my ideas! Probably not. I realise that as I am writing for a child I have to omit referecnes to poo and farts. Which ruined my original idea of having the flying whale shit on the dragon to put out his flames. I've had to settle on him spouting water on the flames instead. It will also feature a magical cat who will in no way be anything like my cat who is a bitch that kills innocent birds and meows repeatedly. I don't understand what you want you stupid cat! The new and improved cat doesn't kill birds, can speak English and can also fly.

The biggest set back to this story is the drawings. Yes as it is a children's book it needs pictures. I'm an adequate drawer but it needs to be perfect. I have many artistic friends who I could ask but I want this to be all my own work. One of my problems with drawing is patience, I want it done quickly. For once I will attempt to be patient and hopefully be able to produce something that is in league with the works of Picasso.This 2 month deadline is going to be interesting! 

Hypnotised....for life

A hypnotist managed to leave three people in a trance after knocking himself out. This has got my brain ticking....what if they had been hypnotised forever!! What if you are actually under a trance and everything you do is being subtly controlled by someone you know? All sounds very Tin Foil Hat but what if it was possible? Perhaps it offers a better explanation for why George Bush was such a douche? Or maybe he had the american population hypnotised and that is how he got into power? Surely people aren't that stupid that they voted for him TWICE out of their own free will??


Maybe I am not normal because someone has hypnotised me and they are making me act this way? Maybe that is why I talk to the fridge! Yes yes I like this! I am weird because somebody else is making me do these things! The government? A friend? An angry ex lover? My dog? 

Stupid Supermarkets

A dopey Supermarket in Scotland had a price glitch resulting in 3 crates of beer selling for £11 instead of £20. It resulted in police being called as a large amount of people flocked to the Supermarket to take advantage of this mistake! If only it happened in Rochdale! Actually with our residents and the crime rates the way they are I imagine things would be rather wild here if the majority of our towns people were tanked up on beer! But still, gutted!!

The Immortal Dog

I stumbled across this article today. A dog was shot 40 times in the head and buried but still managed to survive. Whilst this appalling degree of animal cruelty has left me feeling disgusted I love the happy ending! Whilst I am aware that I am not normal, I can not comprehend how someone can carry out such cruel and evil acts upon an animal. I hope the dog in question manages to hunt her attackers down and rips out their throats. Yes, I feel strongly about animal cruelty. The dog has garnered a Facebook following, with a group dedicated to her will to live. I joined it, I'm so cool. 

Do what's Expected!!!

Recently Marriage has had a rather profound impact upon my future. Not that I am getting married but a few people I know are. So I've been looking into some of the more 'out there' marriages. 

Irregardless of sexuality, there is phenomenal pressure from the government, media, education systems and our own families to find a partner who is 'the one'. I'd like to point out I'm not a cynic, I just don't feel the need to pursue this.  I feel this pressure has made some people go a little mad. A man in Korea married a pillow in 2010 and a woman has married the Eiffel Tower. I'm always completely overjoyed when friends of mine become engaged or get married (to another human being, but hey if they wanted to marry a pillow I'd understand....men in white coats...) Personally, for myself, it just seems to be surrounded by so many external factors that pressurise us to do it.  I hope I've not offended anyone, it's a personal view for me and my life...each to their own, if you are happy I am happy for you :)!  I just feel it's sent some people a bit mental. The pillow and Eiffel Tower people are somewhat tame to some of the ones I came across!

Celebrities such as Cameron Diaz and Enrique Iglesias have never tied the knot and both are in their mid to late thirties. Is this because they have not yet found 'the one'? I doubt it. Marriage isn't for everyone. This societal pressure and expectation that it is what everyone should do is archaic. 

Which brings me to another point. I told a friend today that I planned to use some of my savings to go travelling with. Their response was 'Shouldn't you spend it on something like a deposit for your first house? That is what most people do.' What is wrong with me?! I want to be normal but I just have this thirst to explore and not be tied down. I want to see the world. Experience things that Rochdale will never offer. Do I sound young and immature? For once I don't think so. I'm 23, plenty of time to continue growing as a person. Just because it is what people normally do and expect you to do does not mean I'm going to, especially if I don't want to. Is this a rant? Slightly. Rochdale is making me feel more and more trapped by the day! Buy a house? I need to see a few more countries before I can make that sort of commitment! As for marriage....I'll propose to the Dog if my parents start to nag.


Word of the Day: Individuality


Quote of the Day:'In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar - a practise which is still continued.' Helen Rowland


Random Thought of the Day: At what age are you supposed to stop shivering when you stop peeing? Did everybody experience the shiver when they were young? How about now? 


Guilty Confession of the Day: I still shiver when I stop peeing. 


*I just want to reiterate - I'm 23! I want to explore some more. I'm not fully against any of the above. I feel comfortable enough in putting these views on here in the hope that I won't cause offense or come across as 'wrong'. Tis why i don't ever blog about religion. Everyone but Atheists hate Atheists!